I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We are two peas in an std pod
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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