a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
