Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
