I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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