Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My ass is underappreciated
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
