I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
