apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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