I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
