Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
