ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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