you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
