U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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