Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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