My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
