When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
