I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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