woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
