I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
