last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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