It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
