im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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