i need an iv and a liver transplant
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you win again, gameday.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
