just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
