Nicole vs. Life
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
