i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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