I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
