Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
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