her vagine was all disorganized.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
