They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
