Fine. I'll sleep in my office
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
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When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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