The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
