I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
where are you?
Hypothermia
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
