He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
