So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
