so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
