apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
