oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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