i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
