At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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