Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
