a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
