the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
