i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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