Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
