Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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