just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
