is your mom at the bar?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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