hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
