I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
