That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
And then my night got REAL pukey
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
