shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
