OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
