mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
