Welp...herpes.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
