Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
