Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
