I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
