hotel room ftw
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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