definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
