i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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