Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
