So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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