So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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