I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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