I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i dont even know how to be here
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
