Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
