Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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