U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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