So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
