Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
no you cant smoke seaweed
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
