That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
The Olympian is in my bed
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
