The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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