Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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