Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
