Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
